Motivation

So chapter 16 is all about motivation! and I'm happy that I thoroughly enjoy the material in the textbook. I think its amazing how the human brain works! Specifically our ability to think. I know it hasn't been mapped out yet but its just something! Anyhow, so I still have 2 more chapters to cover as well as 5 articles and 5 lectures! Still a long road ahead...but I'm working on it.

Today I submitted my applications to MUA, just to expand my options/choices. I did a pretty silly thing on their website though :( I submitted the wrong resume that said in its objective: "To seek admission to Saint James School of Medicine". I literally felt like a piece of crap afterward. Like seriously? I don't know what the Admission committee must be thinking now!
I also e-mailed SJSM with my resume/personal statement and hopefully I can fax them the last LOR tomorrow. I don't know where this road is taking me but I want to travel until I get lost...

I don't know why but I keep telling myself that if I fail for whatever reason (not having a strong background in chemistry, being homesick, not being able to keep up with med school's exhausting work, being a victim of some sort of horrific crime-God forbid- or just simply giving up), I keep telling myself that I can always go back to Canada and and become a paramedic. I want to get rid of this though, I don't to plan to fail. but maybe all I'm doing is preparing for the worst? Having a plan B? I don't know...but hey, as Murphy said "If something can go wrong, it will"
So maybe its not such a bad idea.
I'm just really scared. I don't know if I'm doing the right thing...Its weird because usually I have "instincts" or gut feelings about things but not this....it just feels so neutral? so empty? By this, I'm referring to SJSM specifically. For some odd reason, I feel like going to MUA is more logical (given that I don't have a strong background in Chemistry) but then again, time is an issue.

What else? Oh yeah, so I was at Tim Hortons today lining up to get my morning coffee, thinking about the future and reflecting on my C61 reading progress and I hear someone say "Happy birthday". The person, a friend, really caught me off guard not just because he interrupted my "chain of thoughts" but because my birthday is not until Friday...and maybe because no one else wished me a happy birthday? yet? haha. well mom kinda already gave me something, a very cute scarf but still...I don't know how he found out about my birthday...perhaps facebook, but whatever the case might be, it was very sweet and unexpected, especially coming from someone like him. I don't know, maybe I'm reading too much into it (perhaps because I'm not used to be the center of someone's attention?) but why would he pay that much attention to such details? Its not like my birthday is today? Regardless of what the case be, I felt special. and now typing this and rereading it to myself, I feel like a neurotic psycho. Oh well who cares?

Anyway, I gotta get back to studying or maybe I'll just go home and get some readings done (although I doubt it). Oh yeah, also, about the whole "Corners of My Life" section, I think I'm finally ready to launch this project. I'll post some more about this. I'm still not sure about whether I want to start a new blog just for this project...I guess I could just link it to this one? Not sure yet.

Till next time

Drugs and the Brain

Okay so this was literally the WORST midterm I've ever written in my whole life...It was about being not prepared...the questions were just so stupid and were not amined at testing my understanding of the darn textbook. The prof really did not come across as someone whose "out there to get the class" but I guess looks can be deceiving. I feel like pulling an all nighter last night was a waste of time/effort. Oh my poor GPA :(

I really don't have much to say...I'm just angry and frustrated. And now I can feel my heart beating and I hate that feeling. Anyhow, I need to hit the bed soon. I've been awake for a while now. Time to get some shuteye!

Till next time,

MUA vs. SJSM?

It seems like a lot has happened since I last blogged...I just can't remember what.
I certainly gave up on Canadian med. schools...so now I've shifted my attention to Caribbean Medical schools...money is an issue though. Can't afford to go to Ross or St. George (Technically I could if I take a BIG loan but I can't even guarantee a residence spot after I'm done, I'm not willing to take that risk). I hate how everything is all up in the air at the moment.

And now I'm confused between MUA (Medical school of the Americas) and SJSM (Saint James School of Medicine). MUA seems to be more "popular", however I can only do my pre-med there since I don't have organic chemistry, one of their pre-med requirement. SJSM, however, accepted me without Orgo...

I have an exam on Monday....I need to get some work done tonight. I will blog more.

UGH

MED. SCHOOL <3

I need a charger

or better yet a defibrillator. I need to restart my system. I need a break. I can't do this anymore and I can't believe that school is starting soon. I didn't do anything this holiday. All I did was work. work. work. Ugh I hate my life. I'm so not motivated to do anything. Mom went to the mosque today for Ashura...which used to be an event I would look forward to, but not anymore. I didn't go with them. She was very disappointed. But oh well, I have alot on my plate at the moment. I can't digest everything at once and have a social life (not that this is possible, given my work conditions).


Yesterday, I almost had an asthma attack, I felt energy-less (don't know if thats a word). I literally couldn't even talk. And it was boxing day...I was so tired all day. and to be honest, I'm still tired and not in a blogging mood but I thought its been a while and I need to take some of this stuff off of my chest...


I'm seriously considering creating a sub-blog, I want it to be private though. There are so many things I want to talk about but I just don't feel very comfortable expressing them here. Something like a diary. Something private.

Another project I'm thinking of launching is the Corners of my Life project. What this project is about is basically talking/posting different pictures of corners/places around UTSC, Toronto, my house, friends etc...I thought it would be neat since I'm leaving Toronto in the summer. and I may not come back again *tears*. But thats not gonna be a whole new blog, just a bunch of posts.


Anyhow, now I wanna talk about shopping. Yesterday was boxing day and I didn't go shopping :(
but I've been doing a lot of online shopping. Oh yeah, I got my boots from http://www.gojane.com/ and I am abseloutely in love with them! They are so comfortable and cute! I put another order through and will post up pictures as soon as I receive it.



Today however, I was on A&F's website and found this really cute classic shirt. It is so simple and elegent :) I think I'm gonna get it...I just don't have time to go shopping and I don't wanna order it on their webstie because I have to try it in their store first.

So yeah, as you can tell from the above, my thoughts are pretty much scattered all over the place but thats because its 4:04AM and I am soooo tired.
I'm planning to bake something tomorrow :)

Till next time,

www.GoJane.com and I hate Forever21

Hello world :)

Yesterday I was so pissed off! I went on Forever21's website to order this really gorgeous dress that I found. It was only $7.99! So I put the dress in the cart (after having signed into my F21 account of course) and then I kept shopping. I thought it wouldn't be worth it if I only bought one thing and paid $10 for shipping. So I was looking around to find other things that would match with the dress...Like I grabbed a pair of leggings, a pendant necklace and my sister found a fancy mini skirt that she wanted to wear to her friend's all-girls Christmas party. So anyhow, so we ended up with about 5 or 6 item, total came up to $44.00 and we're like yeah whatever. So I click on "continue to checkout" and it says to me "Sorry one of your items is out of stock, please remove item to proceed". I flipped. It turned out that they ran out while I was shopping and they just decided to take stuff out of people's carts. What the heck were they thinking? Just because I took my time to look for accessories, it doesn't mean that I wasn't serious. And the funny thing is, I did it all in one sitting. It's not like I logged out, navigated away from the browser and then came back to find it gone, no I was there, on their website, the whole time. It was so frustrating. I spent more than an hour trying to match an outfit :( I hate Forever21 now. I wrote them an e-mail but they haven't responded yet. It was so frustrating! So I emptied my cart right away and closed my window. I was so mad :(

But to ease off this frustration (lol) I went on GoJane and I found my size in these boots that I've been wanting for a month now! THEY ARE GORGEOUS! I don't expect them to last for long. I tried them on at Dukati and they were pretty comfortable but just not winter material. I was thinking of wearing it inside. OMG I love them. Here's how they look:

As you can see, they are prtty short which is perfect. I wasn't looking for anything hookerish material. I hate long boots, especially if you have long legs. It just looks wrong.

So they had them in blue, mustard, and black but as mentioned in my pervious blog, grey is the colour of the season!!! I have never shopped from GoJane before but I thoguht I would give it a try.

On a negative note, I have an exam tomorrow and I have only finished 5 chapters out of the 16 chapters assigned. I am silently freaking out lol. I hate this :( And I'm supposed to meet up with someone to go over the notes (which I don't even have yet). I don't know
ugh
Miracles!

Till next time,

UGGS

Okay so I only have 15 minutes to write this blog because I have to start studying at 11. I have been slacking off a lot lately :( I was supposed to finish 5 chapters yesterday but it didn't happen. Instead, I only finished 2 chapters. Ugh I hate myself! I'm probably gonna leave it to the last minute. I could so see it happening! But oh well. Anyhow...I hate the TTC. Today, I left home at 8:30am and I got here at 10:30am. It took me 2 hours to get here when I live so close by. It only takes 12mins driving. I want a car!!!! I really want a car.

And on top of that, I was wearing my Lacoste boots...I'm telling you, by the time I got here, my feet were frozen. My socks were frozen. Its so frustrating. I'm gonna have to get myself a pair of UGGS. I just don't have time to go to the mall. I'm so busy with exams etc...plus I heard they're cheaper online. Someone recommended a website called ShoeGhost I've never really shopped from there. I still have to read their return/refund policy. I really like these UGGS though.

My sister has a pair of EMUs, she says that they're pretty comfortable, although I don't see her wearing them anymore. I got them for her last Christmas. Honestly, I don't care about style anymore, not after today anyway. All I want is a pair of comfortable boots that can put it with Toronto's harsh winter. Is that so much to ask for?
I would really appreciate any suggestions!

Alright, time to go to the library!!!

Till next time,

Disappointment

I'm very disappointed in myself. I asked my Prof. for an extension for my thesis and was granted but I didn't do anything. I wish I hadn't. I wish had handed it in when everyone else did. They're done and can focus on their finals. UGh I hate being the loser.

I'm so behind in school and there is NO WAY that I can go to work this weekend. I'm so confused. I'm so fed up. Ugh, I hate myself.

I just want to scream.

MIRACLES!!!!!!!!!!