Start over

Start over.

I'm falling behind again...

After I've made a pretty good progress in terms of my studying habits/time-wasting behaviour, but here I am again. Back to slacking off and leaving things to the last minute! I hate the feeling of being out of control, like I cannot control my own body or rather brain. It controls me. It tells me to go home after only spending 1.5 hr in the library, it tells me to watch Grey's Anatomy instead of watching Dr. Inzlicht's lectures, it tells me to just highlight when I know for a fact that I DO NOT learn by highlighting, I have to take my own notes...Basically, my brain is secrewing me up!

Mom is back and thats part of why I don't feel like studying. There's just a lot going on right now. Pictures, gifts, stories, guests etc...wrong timing.

I'm supposed to meet up with someone tomorrow after having done all the readings so we can discuss them in greater details. I'm only done 1 chapter and there's 5 in total! There's NO WAY in hell that I'll be able to finish 4 chapters tonight hahahaa that's actually the joke of the day. It took me 2 days to finish one chapter. But the again I took breaks in between so I was on and off. I went for a nice walk along Bay street though. It was refreshing...didn't buy anything because I'm just not in the mood. I don't even want to get into how I've literally been in a constant flip flop between two hoodies. It's disgusting but I can't help it. Aghhhh I want this to be over.

My exam is on Moday, and I have work on Sat and Sun. so I'm pretty much secrewed up! The thoguht of it makes me have shortness of breath lol. It's not funny

Till next time.

Busy Beeeeee

Its been a while since the last time I made an effort to blog...but what can I do? I'm extremly busy these days...
I already had to exams, can't really tell how I did until I get my marks back but overall I thought both were very long....to a point where my hands were hurting :(

The house is a big mess of course and especially the kitchen! GOODNESS it's basically a dirt hole. I gotta get started on that sometime soon, before mom comes back on Tuesday.

Still haven't decided if I want to go to the airport to pick her up...I guess it all depends on whether I'll be 'in control' by then or not...There's a lot to do, and there's lunch to make, so it's hectic but I'm willing to get started on it as early as 5:00AM!

I have an exam on Monday and I'm really not confident with the material. I might be able to finish the readings etc but I don't know if I'll have enough time to review and go over concepts, and without doing that I cannot write the exam. It's just impossible. It's a waste of time and effort. Ugh I hate this thought, I've done it before and this is exactly what messed up my GPA

Anyhow, I'm off to studying
Till next time...

Baby is not a heart donor anymore

It's sad. I have been following up on Kaylee Wallace's case...I admire her parents a lot. I wonder if I'll ever be able to make such decision in the future. It certainly takes a lot of courage. But the whole thing got me thinking about a recent decision I made. I signed a consent form to donate my heart, kidneys, liver, lungs and bones when I die. People scared me a lot...ethical issues, religious issues etc...Perhaps one of the most common myths about organ donation is the whole thing about doctors rushing you into surgery as soon as they see that donor sticker on your health card or drivers license...Which to be honest, kind of scared me at the beginning. But what happened with Kaylee, 2 months old, proves that doctors will NOT declare you dead until your heart stops beating for 10 minutes. This is why Kaylee was put back on the life support machine when her heart did not stop beating. It makes me feel good about organ donation. I wonder if they will ever be able to transplant the heart. I hope so. Her father, Jason Wallace, is certainly a brave man and a man of values or morals. I wish I could help save a life with my organs when I die.

I have to hit the library now. I have a lot of things to catch up on!

Till next time

All thanks are due to God!

I woke up in the morning to hear the loud news on Al-Iraqiya TV. Seven cars had exploded today in the morning in 6 different neighborhoods, killing at least 36 people and injuring hundreds of others. Al-Qua'eda took responsibility of course and said that this is a "gift" for Iraqis to celebrate the birthday of Al-Ba'eth party. I'm not even gonna attempt to explain why or how. Cowards.

I freaked out of course. I knew that mom was staying in Baghdad for the week and that she had been working on her papers which meant that she had to be on the move, all the time. And knowing mom, I was sure that she preferred getting up early in the morning to get her stuff done. Conclusion, I FREAKED OUT. I tried not to show anyone that I was concerned. Probably because I was pissed off at everyone at home. Useless people. I was cooking last night for 2 hours! Exactly 2 hours. I ended up going to bed at 11:20PM. I woke up in the morning and everyone EVERYONE was waiting for me to make breakfast. Zahra was late, Shams missed her breakfast club and dad had a headache. Anyhow, dad couldn't pack them sandwiches for school and yeah they woke me up. Zahra is such a drama queen these days. I can't stand her and she told me more than once that she "hates me". Whether she means it or not is not something that concerns me, what concerns me the most is the fact that she has the guts to express such things right in front of dad. Things are definitely getting out of hand. Sham's school called yesterday to notify us that Shams wasn't in school. Meaning that she skipped. I don't know what to do about it. I'm concerned but I don't know what to do and obviously dad knows and doesn't do anything about it. It's such a critical time in her life and if we don't intervene now, she might just take us and skipping/school for granted.

Anyhow, so back to the cowards. I called mom and as soon as she said she was doing alright I burst into tears. I don't know if they were happy tears or I miss you tears or I'm frustrated tears or just come back tears. Whatever they were, she could tell that I was crying. She reassured me that everything is okay and that she will try not to get out of the house until things are settled. I just hope she sticks to her words.

I'm still worried and I've got a long day ahead of me.

It's snowing again and we have to shovel the driveway. Pathetic weather.

Till next time

I NEED to get my eyebrows done!

Yes! Badly. But I'm so tired, I have no time for anything these days. I wasn't even gonna blog tonight but I have a lot of scattered thoughts that need to be cleared out.
I got a rejection e-mail from University of Buffalo today. They said they only interview applicants with 3.2+, which is way beyond my current GPA. I want to go to Manitoba so badly but at the same time I don't know when I should do that or if it's a good idea at all. I need to do more research, I need to talk to counselors and I need to visit the school. I found out that mom has 1790 points on her air miles which could get me a plane ticket (and a Lacoste watch worth $200 haha). I don't know. I have to take summer classes if I want to graduate on time but if I want to go to Manitoba and start all over again, then what's the point of taking any courses? It's confusing and I'm leaning more toward continuing this degree that I have and then looking for other options. But the problem is that I'm afraid that I might lose interest in school after I graduate--something very common among graduates with low GPA's. I don't know what to do :(

My computer is so slow. I have a lot of shit on it. I probably need to formate it. And you know what else I need to do? cook for tomorrow! We have nothing to eat tomorrow. I have to make something because I want to leave in the morning.

I spoke to mom today, she sounded pretty depressed. She said nobody is helping her get her papers done etc. and people are so different and most of them have sunk into a world of materialism and greed. But as I always say:

"Such is Life"

Till next time

Just received my shoes!

I just got my shoes today! They're so amazing! I'll take a picture of them and upload it on here. But yeah I think I'm gonna buy other items from the girl, she seems pretty nice but first I have to figure out the whole appeal thing. I called mom today, she's a little sick...taking antibiotics etc...

I didn't cook anything for today! I was so tired yesterday...I didn't cook or anything but I had to clean the kitchen and wash loads and loads of dishes (dishes from 2 days ago). The kitchen was a MESS and the hallway was D-I-R-T-Y! It took me about an hour to finish cleaning everything. Zahra was sick, very sick. She has an ear infection and she lost her voice. She was sleeping when I came, had fever and dad didn't even bother checking up on her. She came back from school and went to sleep right away. She even took her pill without eating anything and what did dad do? NOTHING! She was sweating when she woke up, broke my heat! I can't believe how heartless he can be. I didn't have time to cook so I ordered pizza. Dad didn't mind it, he was hungry too and was waiting for me to order pizza and feed him, much like I fed Zahra. We have two babies at home. No mind you three, Shams is no good either. She has her literacy exam today so she was studying for it yesterday and did absolutely nothing. I'm so frustrated! We have no bread today and I'm not bringing anything on my way, I want dad to assume responsibility and actually for ONCE only ONCE check if we have bread or not. It's ridiculous! And what bothers me even more is that I can't talk to him about it. He could probably tell that I was pissed off that after coming back from a longass day at school (from 8am-6pm), I had to clean and cook (and discipline). I FEEL SO SORRY FOR MOM! If it was me, I would have committed suicide long time ago. Dad is just ugh useless! Ouch that sounded mean. Hes just been conditioned not care, or do anything. I want to break his laptop. I really want to. But he wants to buy a mac, so he'll just buy another one.

Such is life.


Till next time