Self-reflction

A lot has happened since the last time I blogged. I don't know where to begin...and I know that I'm not ready to talk about it all, but one thing I want to say is that I had a chance to reflect on the progress I've made in the past 4 years of my life.

It was a lot to taken at once, but I'm glad it has brought me to the realization that I cannot let everything I've worked on from grade 1 til now, go down the drains. Just like that.

My thoughts are not very organized, they're all over the place. I guess that's why I'm here. I wouldn't have blogged about this if it wasn't for the fact that I want to clear my head. Basically, it was a guy. He proposed to me, even though he had never seen me before. The whole thing itself made me feel very uncomfortable. Anyhow, to make story short, I rejected him. But I don't know why I initially agreed to converse with him, get to know him etc. Reflecting back on it now, I think it might have been a sign of disparity or frustration. Was I really ready to get married? I'm 22, haven't graduated yet (we weren't going to get married before I graduated anyway, but still why did I even think about it'?)
My mother had a lot to do with it. She convinced me that he had a lot of good qualities that I wouldn't be able to find in other Iraqi guys, like education, family reputation, financial security etc...all of which are important factors, but should not be the reason for compromising a dream that I've always had. How could I? I was clearly giving up on myself.

The whole thing made me sit back and think about where I am now, and where I will be in a few months from now (after graduation). Where am I heading? Do I have any plans? Turns out that I was really giving up on myself.

Anyhow, I have decided to pursue my dream again. My dream of becoming a doctor. I don't how long it takes, and how much it costs. I'm willing to make a lot of sacrifices for this dream. The only thing that throws me off is the fact that "it is not guaranteed". Nothing is guaranteed in life anyway.

Anyway, I want to write more about my current situation, my plans etc.. how I will approach the goal etc..
Here we go again, my mother is sitting next to me and lecturing me on how I should just get married because I'm not going anywhere with the whole med. school bizz. I hate it. She's starting to think a lot like these stupid women form the mosque. I don't understand why my mother has a mentality of a high school drop out, even though she has a degree in mechanical engineering. She sounds a lot like my grandmother's mother. I swear even my grandmother is more open-minded. It makes me want to cry. It's so discouraging. I wish I had someone who could give me that extra push,. Someone to say "it's gonna be alright", just keep doing what you're doing and its gonna be alright. I don't have that in my life. I wish the Admission Committee would know that.
I want a hug

Till next time