Saturday, February 27, 2010

A place to crash...

So we today we had to leave the house at like 8:30am because the construction guys were supposed to start at 9:00am (them being Iraqi didn't make that happen at 9:00 as promised, instead, they were there at 11:00am, but hey, that's part of being Iraqi). Anyhow, so we left the house and mom's friend was supposed to come to our place and pick up our bags etc...It feels so weird. I wish I could just stay in school tonight. Problem is, I don't have a place to crash. I have a LOT of readings/Lecture viewing to do and I need to stay here until at least 11:00pm. buses stop running at 10:30 (at least one of them) which leaves me no option but to take the STC way :( Ugh I just hate being in school on the weekend. But yeah. I wish I could just sleep at the women's center. People used to do it last year...I just don't happen to have a lot of "connections"!

Anyway, I gotta get back to studying now.

Till next time

Friday, February 26, 2010

Birthday girl or not?

Not. Can't celebrate. I have a midterm on Monday. and even if I didn't have a midterm, I have a lot on my mind that any celebration would just be artificial.

The house is a wreck! We are going to spend the weekend at my mom's friend's place sicne we are revenovating the house. I can't find my stuff anywhere. It's so stressing me out :(

Anyhow, I have 2 more chapts to go, the longest chapters though :(

EDIT: So I did end up going on with a friend to a restaurant for coffee and "cake" well brownie buster lol. It was refreshing.

And now that I look at the picture, it was quite conservative actually lol.

Till next time

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Bad day

I'm having a bad day. A very bad day. It's almost 5:00pm and I still don't have anything done. Its like one of those days, you start off on the wrong foot and the whole day is pretty much useless.

I was supposed to take my graduation picture today but it didn't happen. I was supposed to get my eyebrows done before taking the pic but I had a lot of readings to do last night and ended up staying in the library unitl 8pm. so I thought I would just wake up in the morning and do it. morning comes and I start preparing for the big picture day. problem is we're moving and my room is like a jungle, everything is upside down. I couldn't find my makeup kit. my mom "cleaned" my room and misplaced it not only was I going to take my grad pic with a pair of bushy eyebrows but also with a face full of pimples and black spots under my eyes! How perfect! I mean people actually go to salons, get their makeup done professionally before grad pic day. Anyhow, so as usual mom and I got into an argument. It really wasn't her fault. It was mine, I should have been more prepared. My mind is just so occupied with everything :( I hate the way I've being acting lately. I'm so cold and rude.
I'm so pessimistic and it needs to stop. Mom got really mad. I knew that the rest of the day was going to be very unproductive and so it was

I got a call from SJSM today. They said they want to set up a phone interview with we'll see. I don't think I want to go to SJSM anymore. I'm just so confused. Today the thought of just not being born, not being "in the world" crossed my mind. I was scared.


Till next time.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010


So chapter 16 is all about motivation! and I'm happy that I thoroughly enjoy the material in the textbook. I think its amazing how the human brain works! Specifically our ability to think. I know it hasn't been mapped out yet but its just something! Anyhow, so I still have 2 more chapters to cover as well as 5 articles and 5 lectures! Still a long road ahead...but I'm working on it.

Today I submitted my applications to MUA, just to expand my options/choices. I did a pretty silly thing on their website though :( I submitted the wrong resume that said in its objective: "To seek admission to Saint James School of Medicine". I literally felt like a piece of crap afterward. Like seriously? I don't know what the Admission committee must be thinking now!
I also e-mailed SJSM with my resume/personal statement and hopefully I can fax them the last LOR tomorrow. I don't know where this road is taking me but I want to travel until I get lost...

I don't know why but I keep telling myself that if I fail for whatever reason (not having a strong background in chemistry, being homesick, not being able to keep up with med school's exhausting work, being a victim of some sort of horrific crime-God forbid- or just simply giving up), I keep telling myself that I can always go back to Canada and and become a paramedic. I want to get rid of this though, I don't to plan to fail. but maybe all I'm doing is preparing for the worst? Having a plan B? I don't know...but hey, as Murphy said "If something can go wrong, it will"
So maybe its not such a bad idea.
I'm just really scared. I don't know if I'm doing the right thing...Its weird because usually I have "instincts" or gut feelings about things but not just feels so neutral? so empty? By this, I'm referring to SJSM specifically. For some odd reason, I feel like going to MUA is more logical (given that I don't have a strong background in Chemistry) but then again, time is an issue.

What else? Oh yeah, so I was at Tim Hortons today lining up to get my morning coffee, thinking about the future and reflecting on my C61 reading progress and I hear someone say "Happy birthday". The person, a friend, really caught me off guard not just because he interrupted my "chain of thoughts" but because my birthday is not until Friday...and maybe because no one else wished me a happy birthday? yet? haha. well mom kinda already gave me something, a very cute scarf but still...I don't know how he found out about my birthday...perhaps facebook, but whatever the case might be, it was very sweet and unexpected, especially coming from someone like him. I don't know, maybe I'm reading too much into it (perhaps because I'm not used to be the center of someone's attention?) but why would he pay that much attention to such details? Its not like my birthday is today? Regardless of what the case be, I felt special. and now typing this and rereading it to myself, I feel like a neurotic psycho. Oh well who cares?

Anyway, I gotta get back to studying or maybe I'll just go home and get some readings done (although I doubt it). Oh yeah, also, about the whole "Corners of My Life" section, I think I'm finally ready to launch this project. I'll post some more about this. I'm still not sure about whether I want to start a new blog just for this project...I guess I could just link it to this one? Not sure yet.

Till next time

Monday, February 22, 2010

Drugs and the Brain

Okay so this was literally the WORST midterm I've ever written in my whole life...It was about being not prepared...the questions were just so stupid and were not amined at testing my understanding of the darn textbook. The prof really did not come across as someone whose "out there to get the class" but I guess looks can be deceiving. I feel like pulling an all nighter last night was a waste of time/effort. Oh my poor GPA :(

I really don't have much to say...I'm just angry and frustrated. And now I can feel my heart beating and I hate that feeling. Anyhow, I need to hit the bed soon. I've been awake for a while now. Time to get some shuteye!

Till next time,

Saturday, February 20, 2010


It seems like a lot has happened since I last blogged...I just can't remember what.
I certainly gave up on Canadian med. now I've shifted my attention to Caribbean Medical is an issue though. Can't afford to go to Ross or St. George (Technically I could if I take a BIG loan but I can't even guarantee a residence spot after I'm done, I'm not willing to take that risk). I hate how everything is all up in the air at the moment.

And now I'm confused between MUA (Medical school of the Americas) and SJSM (Saint James School of Medicine). MUA seems to be more "popular", however I can only do my pre-med there since I don't have organic chemistry, one of their pre-med requirement. SJSM, however, accepted me without Orgo...

I have an exam on Monday....I need to get some work done tonight. I will blog more.